Come on maaannnn I am always willing to help anyone. Can't you take joke, shit lets get the dog on the road. I am used to team work and that is what we do on this forum. Many on here can wrench others can't but we try to keep the dogs running just like one big family. So ask questions and I or others on here will give you ideas as to what we have done in the past to solve certain issues with these Crazy Bikes.
Lets start by letting us know what it does when you turn the key on. How old is the Battery, how nasty is the fuel, have you replaced electrical brain (EHC) or what does it do or don't do when you turn the key on. Like Dragenslave said above replace your plugs, fuel, get a good Battery if you still issued we can take them one at a time until we get this bad boy on the road again. Look at what lights are lite up on the EHC if you have one, is your Ignition Module red light on, just small things that matter.
Carlos